


numbers

by lykxxn



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Adopted Children, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, Gen, Goodnight, I FINALLY WROTE A HAMILTON FIC, PEGGY'S NAME IS MARGARITA, REWARD MY SOUL, Texting, Trans Alex, Washingdad, agender lafayette, alex is adopted by washington, chapter 6 is semi-angsty???, demiboy laurens??? i think, group chats, i like maria a lot, i really dont care anymore, let's play a game called spot the disney references, maria is a honorary schuyler sister, messaging, things may change??, this is gen atm, yes i am jumping on the bandwagon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 21:25:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 2,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7191011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lykxxn/pseuds/lykxxn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of possibly unrelated group chats featuring your favourite Founding Fathers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 03:03

_Alexander Hamilton created this group._

**Alexander:** hey

 **John:** it’s three am what the fuck

_Alexander set his nickname to a.ham._

_John set his nickname to turtles._

**turtles:** seriously alex go to sleep

_a.ham set Aaron's nickname to a.burr._

**a.burr:** turtle boy has a point

 **Gilbert:** MY PHONE JUST BUZZED ON MY PILLOW WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT

_Gilbert set their nickname to laf._

**a.ham:** fuck off i just want to talk

 **Hercules** : ABOUT WHAT

 **laf:** WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT AT 3AM

_a.ham set Hercules's nickname to hunk-ules._

**a.ham:** I DONT KNOW OK I CANT SLEEP

 **turtles:** well now neither can we!!

_laf added Eliza Schuyler to the group._

**Eliza:** no

_Eliza Schuyler left the group._

**laf:** well that was rude??

 **hunk-ules:** wait what

 **hunk-ules:** why is THAT my nickname??

 **a.ham:** BECAUSE YOU WENT ZERO TO HERO

 **a.burr:** what the FUCK alex??? go to sleep please

 **a.ham:** lol no way i'm having too much fun here

 **hunk-ules:** i think thats part of the problem

_hunk-ules set his nickname to HERC._

_a.ham removed HERC from the group._

_a.burr left the group._

**laf:** i dont think this is working, maybe when we're all like 100% coherent??

 **turtles** **:** yeah not being fucking funny here but i like my sleep??

 **a.ham:** well me too but if i cant sleep then neither can you

 **turtles:** alright alex why the fuck can't you sleep

 **a.ham:** its absolutely fucking awful john i swear

 **a.ham:** i mean i know they're reaching a peak in their relationship but SERIOUSLY DO I HAVE TO HEAR IT

 **laf:** oh fuck

 **a.ham:** YES LITERALLY

 **a.ham:** ITS 3AM DONT THEY EVER STOP IM SO DISTURBED RN

 **turtles:**... so are we.

_turtles removed a.ham from the group._


	2. 12:23

_Angelica Schuyler created this group._

_Angelica set her nickname to Flora._

_Flora set Eliza's nickname to Merryweather._

_Flora set Peggy's nickname to Fauna._

**Fauna:** ANGELICA WHY

 **Flora:** NOW IS NOT THE TIME ELIZA HAS A CRISIS

 **Merryweather:** I DO NOT

 **Flora:** ASK HIM THEN. FUCKING ASK HIM.

 **Merryweather:** WHAT NO???

 **Fauna:** ALRIGHT BUT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PROBLEM

 **Fauna:** WHO ARE WE ASKING??? WHAT ARE WE ASKING???

 **Flora:** Eliza needs to tell alex what colour his ties gonna be

 **Fauna:** wow seriously??? just ASK HIM GOOD GOD

 **Merryweather:** ITS NOT THAT EASY

 **Flora:** YES IT FUCKING IS

 **Flora:** IM GONNA FUCKING DO IT

 **Merryweather:** WHAT NO NO

_Flora added Alexander Hamilton to the group._

**Flora:** elizas dress is blue so u gotta make sure ur tie matches

 **Fauna:** or youll like ruin everything

_Flora removed Alexander Hamilton from the group._

**Flora:** THERE PROBLEM SOLVED. NOW YOURE GONNA GO TO PROM AND YOUR OUTFITS WILL COORDINATE AND ITLL BE CUTE AND SHIT

_Merryweather left the group._


	3. 16:02

_turtles added Alexander Hamilton to the group._

_Alexander set his nickname to a.ham._

**turtles:** yo are you ok?????

 **Eliza:** wait why what happened????

 **laf:** he threw up in math and it was FUCKIN BLUE LIKE WTF??

 **a.burr:** wait what

 **a.burr:** why am i just hearing about this

 **a.ham:** can i not tell my own story

 **HERC:** this is gonna be ur legacy buddy

 **HERC:** alexander hamiltons blue vomit

 **a.ham:** get out omfg

 **Eliza:** LOOK ALEX THATS REALLY WEIRD

 **Eliza:** ALSO IT DOESNT SOUND HEALTHY ARE YOU OK

 **a.ham:** well yeah i guess

 **laf:** the vomit blended in with the carpet when u cleaned it up

 **a.burr** : thanks for the mental image laf

 **laf:** ur welcome

 **turtles:** HOW THE FUCK WAS IT BLUE THOUGH

 **HERC:** nobody here is a scientist john fuck off

 **a.ham:** i would like to clarify that i was eating one of those really artificially coloured bonbons john gave me so if it was anyones fault it was probably his

 **turtles:** HEY THATS NOT FAIR

 **laf:** wait does that mean if you shoved a ton of those in your mouth you'd vomit in rainbows

 **a.burr:** i dont want to fucking know

_Eliza Schuyler left the group._

**a.burr:** nobody fucking try this please

 **turtles:** see this is why i worry for my friends health

 **a.ham:** ALL THIS OVER MY VOMIT SERIOUSLY

 **laf:** we're just interested is all

 **HERC:** you mean YOURE interested

 **HERC:** look can we talk about something other than alexs vomit please

 **laf:** why is it making you queasy??????? ;)

 **HERC:** YES

_HERC left the group._

**turtles:** can we talk about how alex got us out of doing work, thanks alex

 **a.ham:** no problem john, i only live to serve

 **laf:** TRY THE GREY STUFF IT'S DELICIOUS

 **a.burr:**???????????

 **laf:** NEVERMIND

****_laf left the group._

**turtles:** why is everyone leaving??

 **a.burr:** because we can only deal with each other on the internet for approximately five minutes???

 **a.ham:** five minutes at most

 **a.ham:** WAIT WHEN DID ELIZA LEAVE???

_a.ham left the group._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok true story this happened to some year 8 today it was weird af


	4. 01:37

**a.ham:** hey hey laf

**a.ham:** laf

**laf:** what the fuck do you want alex

**laf:** don't you ever sleep

**a.ham:** i do honestly!!

**a.ham:** remember that time we found that blowup pheasant

**laf:** what the fuck

**laf:** i mean yeah i do remember but what the FUCK alex???

**a.ham:** yeah um thats it

**a.ham:** i just wanted to know if you remembered

**laf:** yes i fucking remember you dick

**a.ham:** ok thats good

**a.ham:** it had tinsel round its neck remember???

**laf:** alex i dont fucking care about your fucking blowup pheasant just let me fucking sleep

**a.ham:** what do you have against my pheasant????

**laf:** ITS NOT ABOUT WHAT I HAVE AGAINST YOUR PHEASANT

**laf:** ITS ABOUT WHAT I HAVE AGAINST YOU

**laf:** IT WASNT EVEN YOUR FUCKING PHEASANT

**laf:** now can u pls sleep or im gonna mute this goddamn conversation

**laf:** seriously its like you suddenly have a surge of energy at like 1am

**laf:** its so awful

**laf:** hey um alex??

**laf:** alex????????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The blowup pheasant is real. It also did have tinsel around its neck (the tinsel was gold if anyone wants a visual image).


	5. 19:28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on an actual conversation my friend had with me this morning.

**a.ham:** hey so did you know

 **a.burr:** not until you tell us

 **a.ham:** fuck off i was getting there

 **laf:** he was tryin to raise tension werent u alex

 **a.ham:** ANYWAY SO

 **a.ham:** whales ejaculate 40 gallons of semen and only 10% of it goes into the female just sayin

 **a.burr:** was that it seriously???

 **turtles:** WAIT

 **laf:** WAIT

 **turtles:** THATS WHY THE SEA'S SO SALTY OH FUCK

 **laf:** IM NEVER GOING TO THE BEACH AGAIN

 **a.burr:** you've never been to the beach

 **a.burr:** none of us live near the fucking beach you prick

 **turtles:** WHAT ABOUT RIVERS THO

 **turtles:** RIVERS ARE CONNECTED TO THE SEA GOD DAMN

 **laf:** I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT INFORMATION

 **turtles:** DOES THAT MEAN WHENEVER WE SWIM IN THE SEA WE'RE SWIMMING IN WHALE SEMEN EWWW FUCK

 **a.burr:** alex is enjoying this arent you alex

 **a.ham:** yes i am

 **laf:** HOW COULD YOU


	6. 15:18

_turtles added Alexander Hamilton to the group._

_turtles set Alexander's nickname as a.ham._

**turtles:** HEY ALEX SO HOW DEAD ARE YOU

 **laf:** ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10 GO GO GO

 **a.burr:** wait is THAT why jefferson was spouting blood all over the corridor

 **a.burr:** ALEX YOU WONDERFUL WONDERFUL MAN

 **a.ham:** i'm suspended

 **a.ham:** also mom and dad are pissed

 **a.ham:** i'm in my room

 **a.ham:** i think they're gonna ground me

 **laf:** aw fuck

 **HERC:** DID YOU PUNCH THE SHIT OUT OF HIM

 **a.burr:** what do you think??????

 **turtles:** hey look alex if it helps at least jefferson is in a ton of shit rn

 **turtles:** i think hes gonna get suspended too

 **a.ham:** john

 **a.ham:** how many suspensions have i had this semester

 **turtles:** ummmm two

 **laf:** making this your third oh god alex???

 **laf:** shit theyre not gonna expel you right??

 **a.burr:** i hear middle school calling

 **a.ham:** fuck off aaron you dick

 **a.ham:** now is not the time

_a.ham removed a.burr from the group._

**a.ham:** and no i dont think theyre expelling me???

 **laf:** YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 **a.ham:** like theyre taking my transition into consideration??????

 **a.ham:** also i told them all the shit jeffersons been saying over the past month so???

 **turtles:** ohhhhhhhhhhhh thats why he's in so much shit

 **a.ham:** if im suspended im gonna be suspended for a month

 **HERC:** ouch

 **a.ham:** at least mom's more worried than pissed off i guess

 **a.ham:** dad wants to take my phone away

 **a.ham:** mom wants to ground me

 **turtles:** are they arguing??

 **a.ham:** "heated debate"

 **a.ham:** but theyre shouting

 **laf:** ouch are u ok

 **turtles:** that was a stupid question of course he isnt

 **a.ham:** it's ok im ok

 **a.ham:** mom usually wins thank god

 **a.ham:** im probably just gonna get grounded until my suspension is over

 **HERC:** did you get to fight your case tho

 **HERC:** like aaron did a couple years ago

 **a.ham:** yeah, they heard my explanation of what happened and then mom and dad talked about my meds and my transition and shit

 **a.ham:** i don't think king wants to expel me

 **laf:** im guessing lee has a completely different opinion tho

 **a.ham:** lee's a dick

 **a.ham:** i think my dad wanted to fucking punch him

 **turtles:** same tho

 **turtles:** its like his face has PUNCH ME written on it in permanent marker

 **laf:** OH MY GOD YES

 **a.ham:** SO TRUE

 **a.ham:** anyway like i think my parents are ok now

 **a.ham:** everythings really quiet

 **a.ham:** im gonna pretend im sorry

_a.ham left the group._


	7. 10:01

_Eliza added Maria Reynolds to the group._

**Angelica:** oh so YOURE the girl eliza's been talking about???

 **Eliza:** that makes me sound like i have a crush on her

 **Peggy:** you do

 **Eliza:** she's just a girl in my music class SHUT UP

 **Eliza:** im sorry about my sisters honestly

 **Maria:** its ok?? i dont mind??

 **Angelica:** wow eliza finally you met someone who doesnt mind

 **Peggy:** wait are you two in class together right now??

 **Eliza:** ummmm yes

 **Maria:** the music teacher really does not give a shit

 **Angelica:** he really doesnt

 **Angelica:** is he even in class??

 **Eliza:** yes

 **Peggy:** thats a first

 **Peggy:** why do you think i dropped music??

 **Angelica:** i have study period rn

 **Angelica:** im in the library peggy come join me

 **Peggy:** but john has made me cake???

_Peggy added John Laurens to the group._

_John set his nickname as turtles._

**turtles:** angelica come for cake??

 **Angelica:** SAVE ME SOME PLEASE

 **Maria:** wait whos john

 **Eliza:** dorky baker boy in our grade. turtle fan,

 **turtles:** i dont like beetles.

 **Peggy:** that joke got old already

 **Angelica:** IT GOT OLD IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

 **Angelica:** IT GOT OLD WHEN JOHN WANTED TO DRIVE TO FUCKING LIVERPOOL

 **turtles:** im a big ringo fan

 **turtles:** ringo is the best

 **Eliza:** um wrong????? paul is obviously the best

 **Maria:** YES PAUL

 **Angelica:** i dont believe this who the fuck likes the beatles???

 **Angelica:** jesus christ john you fuckin nerd

_turtles removed Angelica Schuyler from the group._

**Peggy:** WOAAAH NO DON'T YOU DARE

_Peggy added Angelica Schuyler to the group._

**Eliza:** anyway so as i was saying before we got interrupted

 **Eliza:** maria's in my music class and i think she may be in john's spanish class??

 **turtles:** wait did you say music lmaooooo

 **Maria:** yeah the teacher is literally paying no attention to us

 **Eliza:** everyone else is doing the piano work and we're just on our phones

 **Eliza:** oh FUCK

 **turtles:** he just caught you both didnt he???


	8. 21:32

**a.ham:** where the fuck is john

 **turtles:** i am here

 **a.ham:** yeah but youre not at home

 **laf:** OH NO HE'S AT MY HOUSE

 **laf:** we're watching lion king

 **laf:** mufasa just died

 **turtles:** STOP NOW PLEASE

 **a.ham:** wait why wasnt i invited????

 **laf:** um because youre grounded

 **a.ham:** oh fuck yeah

 **turtles:** hey laf can we watch lilo and stitch next

 **laf:** you know it wouldve been easier just to ask me??

 **a.ham:** hey we should have a disney movie marathon together??

 **a.ham:** when i get ungrounded, that is

 **laf:** when your dad forgives you for beating the shit out of jefferson

 **turtles:** again

 **a.ham:** rude.

 **laf:** look i thought we were on the topic of disney movie marathon

 **laf:** which appeals to me a lot

 **a.ham:** we could have it in my living room???? we'll all fit there

 **turtles:** who is "all"

 **a.ham:** me, you two, aaron, herc, possibly eliza and angelica and peggy???

_laf added Aaron Burr to the group._

_laf added Hercules Mulligan to the group._

_laf added Eliza Schuyler to the group._

_laf added Angelica Schuyler to the group._

_laf added Peggy Schuyler to the group._

**Eliza:** whats going on????

 **a.ham:** we're gonna have a disney movie marathon when i get ungrounded so u gotta pick a disney film u wanna watch

 **a.ham:** i'll start with uuuuh brother bear???

****_Aaron set his nickname to a.burr._

**turtles:** lilo and stitch!!

 **a.burr:** aladdin????

****_Hercules set his nickname to HERC._

**laf:** beauty and the beast

 **HERC:** hercules

 **Angelica:** mulan????

 **Eliza:** fuck um pocahontas

 **Peggy:** mary poppins!!

 **HERC:** we picked none of the real classics???

 **a.ham:** well um what about dumbo, the aristocats and 101 dalmatians??

 **Eliza:** lets have some newer ones for good measure

 **Eliza:** tangled, the princess and the frog and frozen??

 **laf:** NO NOT FROZEN

 **turtles:** ANYTHING BUT FROZEN

 **Peggy:** why dont we just watch them all???

 **a.burr:** that would've been a good idea to begin with tbh

 **a.ham:** we can get a couple films out and vote for them??

 **Angelica:** sure

 **laf:** ok

 **HERC:** sounds good?

 **a.ham:** ok step 1

 **a.ham:** get ungrounded


	9. 02:29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a Brit I'm really upset on the US's behalf that they don't sell Kinder Eggs there.

_Eliza added Alexander Hamilton to the group._

_Alexander set his nickname as a.ham._

**Eliza:** ALRIGHT SO I HAVE A REAL PROBLEM HERE

 **Eliza:** WE CAN HAVE GUNS BUT KINDER EGGS ARENT SAFE??

 **a.ham:** ELIZA SCHUYLER ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS HERE

 **Eliza:** NO BUT SERIOUSLY

 **Angelica:** eliza seriously i'll fucking go to england and buy you some jesus

 **Peggy:** why go all that way when you can buy them in canada

 **Angelica:** i dont care where they are tbh

 **Angelica:** theyre little eggs with toys in them whats so exciting????

 **a.ham:** EVERYTHING

 **Eliza:** THEY HAVE FUCKING TOYS IN THEM FOR CHRISTS SAKE

 **a.ham:** also the chocolate's supposed to be really nice??

 **Angelica:** i could not give a single fuck

 **Angelica:** go the fuck to sleep

 **Angelica:** eliza i swear i will pour cold water on you

 **Eliza:** WHAT THE FUCK

 **Eliza:** YOU BITCH

_a.ham left the group._

_Angelica removed Eliza Schuyler from the group._


	10. 06:04

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this actually happened to me two days in a row ... I think exams are getting to me.

**a.ham:** NO ALEXANDER YOU DO NOT PUT MILK ON YOUR TOAST

 **laf:** HAHAHA

 **a.burr:** aww are you sleepy?

 **a.ham:** fuck off ok

 **turtles:** hey laf do we have english first

 **laf:** yeah

 **turtles:** fml

 **turtles:** i didnt do the essay

 **laf:** FUCK SHIT

 **laf:** NEITHER DID I

 **turtles:** hahahahah we're so screwed

 **a.ham:** NO ALEXANDER YOU DO NOT PUT FACE CREAM ON YOUR TOOTHBRUSH

 **HERC:** OH MY GOD

 **laf:** hope you did

 **laf:** i mean didnt?

 **a.burr:** you're so sleepy omg

 **a.ham:** GLAD YOU'RE ALL MAKING FUN OF ME

a.ham left the group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look seriously if anyone has any ideas please tell me, my friends arent cool and we don't have cool conversations.


	11. 13:40

**Peggy:** HELP

 **Peggy:** THE CHOIR TEACHER JUST TOLD ME I HAVE TO TEACH SOME MIDDLE-SCHOOLERS TO SING PURE IMAGINATION

 **Eliza:** ok??? and thats a problem because????

 **Peggy:** UHM WELL I DONT FUCKIN KNOW IT

 **Maria:** WELL SHIT

 **Peggy:** HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TEACH SOME KIDS A SONG I DONT EVEN KNOW

 **Angelica:** wait you don't know pure imagination??? what the fuck is wrong with you

 **Angelica:** i thought we raised you better than that peggy

 **Maria:** WING IT

 **Maria:** JUST FUCKING WING IT

 **Peggy:** ELIZA HELP

 **Eliza:** uhmmmmm learn it??

 **Peggy:** OH WOW GREAT IDEA YES I CANNOT BELIEVE I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT

 **Eliza:** listen to it?????

 **Peggy:** ELIZABETH SCHUYLER CAN YOU FUCKING READ

 **Eliza:** sing it in ur sleep???

 **Peggy:** i dont fucking believe this

_Peggy has left the group._


	12. 19:06

**Eliza:** today was like the best

 **a.ham:** agreed, we should do it again sometime??

 **a.ham:** what did u think of the film

 **Eliza:** aaaahh it was so good???

 **Eliza:** also we should totally see the new ice age film when that comes out

 **a.ham:**!!!!!

_Eliza added Aaron Burr._

_Aaron changed his nickname to a.burr._

**Eliza:** HOW DID YOU NOT LIKE IT???

 **a.ham:** f uck

 **Eliza:** IT WAS SO FUNNY

 **a.burr:** heyyyyy ok i liked a couple scenes????? the rest was kinda disappointing tbh

 **Eliza:** UM NO

 **Eliza:** IT WAS GREAT

 **Eliza:** THE HAWK WAS GREAT

 **Eliza:** EVERYTHING WAS GREAT

 **a.burr:** the bridge scene got me ok

 **a.burr:** and the rabbit

 **a.burr:** alright f ine the hawk was great too

 **a.burr:** but evertyhing else was just ehhhhh

 **Eliza:** DISOWNED

 **Eliza:** FUCKING DISOWNED

_Eliza left the group._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The film in question happens to be The Secret Life of Pets, and this is an actual conversation with my friend who is totally wrong because the film was fucking great, go see it.


End file.
